k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
the raccoons are back...
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