Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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