i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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