and you said cock pushups were impossible
this just has baby written all over it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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