Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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