man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
