I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
