I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
