shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
