i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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