I got chris browned last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
