whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
