It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
