That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
