This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
vagina is talking i cant
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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