you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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