capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
