Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
