I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We are two peas in an std pod
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
