Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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