are you still at the devil's house?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
