hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
