Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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