yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
