Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
