i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
