I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
