haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Four minutes until I can fart!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
