i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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