It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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