Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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