He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
