Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
