The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
