she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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