I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
worst night to have a conscience
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
