I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
