I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His nipple licking is glorious
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