i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
