Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
