Kiss
Puke
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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