Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
