he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
