just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
