you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There's even glitter on my cock...
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