I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
