Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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