the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
