I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
