i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
