The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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