false alarm. still invincible.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
