people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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