well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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