i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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