do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
